Look at the adorable message Ang left on the mirror for Ashley and I! It’s written in Swahili and essentially says, ”Don’t get eaten by a lion. We, Charlie [my cat], and the fishes are going to miss you. Love, Angelina.”
This is awesome!!!
I haven’t posted in a very long time. Essentially I am the same. Still just as whiny as before. Still caught up in a strong desire for love. And of course playing in Arcadia Is Burning.
I’m, for the most part, happy as I can be. I’m also following http://azariainkenyaland.tumblr.com/ Do it
In other news, I want to write a poem, but I don’t know what to write.
I think I’m going to start posting again. Keep your eyes peeled kittens
So I haven’t posted in awhile. Maybe it’s because i fear people might actually read what I’m thinking and make fun of the actual things I think. Love is the only thing on my mind as of late. You see I’ve recently realized that the reason I haven’t found love yet, is because I don’t want to. I’m holding myself back because of the past. Interesting how that works. I guess I never really did let go. What a shame.
The One that got away
I remember her well. She was an infernal black hole that swirled me in her misery. She was a sublime nightmare, a smile in the dark, a mothers embrace. She was…..
I don’t think of her as much as i used to. Only a few things bring her back to me. The leaves that make me Fall for her, the smell of rain makes me melt. The….
I did everything to have her as my own. I tried to save her like Perseus saved his mother. But the glare of Medusa met my futile attempts to change her.
She was many things, but she wasn’t an adult. I recall that I hadn’t seen her in years and when I did, she had jumped into the complex of a union with another. She was ready and I wasn’t.
So I jumped with the eagerness of Patroclus. I met Hector with the rage of giants.
I truly miss her in a very odd way.
So lately I’ve been making sad attempts to write more or less deep intellectual songs. I feel I’m failing haha.
I’m getting a smidge better at guitar as time goes on. I need to get more serious about these things. I want to record and perform shows. It’s an aching in my side I must be up there sharing our songs with anyone with an open ear. I feel our music is good.
I got a compliment that has made me a bit more ballsy with my voice. A dude at work said my voice is similar to the voice of the lead singer of Muse. Said I can go just as high and my voice has the same drag as his. Sweet.
I want to write something astounding and outstanding. I think I can’t do it alone though. I need the guys with me. Chove or no Chove either way. Although I would love having that kid around more often haha. He needs to drive though. Worse than me sometimes.
I don’t tell you enough that I love you Jake. You are like another brother to me. I can’t die without moving out with you anyway. You’re right though. I just need to have a positive attitude and I’ll make it.
I’m very sick with flu symptoms and it’s very possible that it could be swine flu..
I’m scared. Not so much of dying, but of the mess I will leave behind me.
Last night I woke up at 5, severely dehydrated. I drank 40oz of water and crawled back to bed. Suddenly in a very odd lucid dream that seemed so real, i saw myself in a hospital, with Des, Delvone, Mom, Jake, and Justin in front of me. I started talking audibly to them all (Mind you I was awake). I apologized mostly. I was making jokes, Told Jake to write a song about me that blows Bayside out of the water, Told Justin that I wanted him to be a stand up comedian and to tell jokes about our misadventures, I told Del I was sorry for everything and that I do love him. I told Desi the most things. Mostly my funeral and what song I want played at it. I had been crying and laughing this entire time. I could barely get words out to my mother. I apologized to her for how bad of a son I had been in life (she didn’t agree), I told her I loved her and nothing could ever change that. After I talked to everyone I told the group that I would come back in their dreams and bug them. I told Des and Jake that Arcadia Is Burning will always live on in the dreams I share with them. When they all left, I started talking to God. I asked Him if he could make me a promise. I asked Him, “If He was going to take me, then He had to heal my mom and to give her the life she always deserved.” It felt like God said yes. I was shivering beyond belief in my bed. I know I was awake and yet I also knew I wasn’t in a hospital. That was a very scary moment in my life.
I don’t want to die. I mean, why would God make such a fuss to keep my premature ass alive, if I wasn’t meant to live a full life? I’ve always been trying to affect people’s lives, but i don’t feel like I have. I have so much more to do in life.
I’m so scared. I don’t want to die yet…
I haven’t played my guitar sinceI got sick. I’ve missed school, work, and life. My chest hurts so bad. This is the worst experience in my life thus far. But dear God, don’t feel pity for me. Death, to me, is a release from all the bad in life. It should be celebrated. I guess what I’m so afraid of is the unknown parts of what is going on.
My head is pounding so I must go.
Thanks for reading.
Is it a rabbit or a duck? You tell me. I see a duck mostly.
I plan on writing a song before the end of the week. I want to write something good this time around. Let’s see what i can do eh?
No one can resist the power of the party.
That is a fact my man. i saw you this moring on my way to school. You were driving on Sprague